Change Is Waiting

Are you waiting for things to change?  When we function from a place of “When they,” “If only they would,” or “As soon as they,” we are waiting for change.

Waiting for  others to do something different before I can change is a big ‘ol red flag that I am stuck, overwhelmed and feeling vulnerable.  That red flag is a reminder that when I want to focus on other people to make my life easier/happier, I am usually
feeling vulnerable. It’s my sign that I need to re-adjust that spotlight onto myself and look at my role in changing my place in this world.

To help get me unstuck, I remember the words of David Richo in his book Five Things We Cannot Change “To accept things we cannot change does not mean that we roll over but that we roll on.”

To begin “rolling on”, I engage in this internal dialogue to remind me that there are several pathways to affecting change in my world that are awaiting me:

Question:   What do I have control over?

Answer: I have control over what I think, feel, do and say.

Question:  Who do I have control over?

Answer:  I have control over me!

Question:    What am I feeling/experiencing/trying to avoid in this situation that is leading me to feel vulnerable?

Answer:       (fill in the blank)

Question:    What choices do I have in this situation?

Answer:       I can choose to keep expecting them to do it differently.  Or, I can create change by leaning into my feelings of vulnerability, which allows me to shift the way I think about myself in relation to them/situation.  And, gives me the space to change the way I react/respond to them/situation.

Nothing changes until I/you change.

There are days that I need to talk to my husband, during the work day, about a family decision that needed to be made.  During my break at work, I call my husband at his job.  Typically, my husband explains that he is busy and will see me at home in the evening.  I hang up the phone, frustrated and proclaim “if only he would ask me if I needed something, then I would know he that he had time for me.”  I have been waiting for change.  Instead of getting stuck in the disappointment that my husband doesn’t always know what Iexactly what I need and when I need it, I began to engage in the internal dialogue and recognize what I had control over. I ch anged my approach with my husband (I am still a work in progress).  Now, when I need to address an important issue with him during the work day, my phone call sounds something like this:  “I have something that I need to talk with you about.  Is this a good time to talk?” my husband either says yes and we complete their conversation; or he says no and we schedule a time to talk later. By focusing on what I have control over (expressing my needs), I am making change happen…and getting my needs met.

Finding Your Balance: What one thing will you change today? Continuing to wait for change prolongs your misery and feelings of helplessness.  Trying to change everything at once will lead you right back to feeling stuck and overwhelmed.  The challenge is to start small, start slow and start with you.

 

Posted: Friday, January 27th, 2012 @ 4:36 pm
Categories: Change.
Tags: , , .
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2 Responses to “Change Is Waiting”

  1. pianist club Says:

    appreciation…

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  2. Finding Your Balance » Blog Archive » Change One Thing…Enjoy Many Rewards Says:

    […] with family, she was having difficulty sleeping and was having frequent headaches. After trying the internal dialogue, Annette stopped fighting against it and practiced rolling with it — changing one thing (that […]

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